He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not..........he loves me.
Love is an indescribably beautiful thing. In fact, just the thought of the word brings about warm feelings, butterflies, and bubbles deep down inside. There is nothing like a love connection. The kind of love that makes you stay up on the phone for hours and hours talking about absolutely nothing, all while knowing you’ve got to get up early the next morning. Not that play-play, hot mess stuff in which your boo is your boo and everybody else’s boo too. Or that fake arrangement in which you say whatever that person wants to hear just so you can have a texting buddy. I’m talking about that young love in which no distance is too far, no day is long enough, no love note is worthy enough, no gift is perfect enough, and no words seem to come together to fully articulate your feelings about that special someone. All is fair in LOVE!
There is an overflow of songs about love, books about love, and poems about love. Hey, there's even a holiday to celebrate love. There's just something about that feeling. That feeling that warms your heart and makes you feel as if you're walking on a cloud. That feeling that makes you seriously consider getting an asthma pump, because love took your breath away. That feeling that makes your knees weak and your head light. That feeling; the one everyone seems to be after, is love.
Regretfully, some of you began reading this, and were disheartened because you don't feel loved. You feel so disconnected to the word love that the thought of it brings only reminders of those who hurt you, and flashbacks of bad situations that you'd rather not re-visit now or ever. You've put up a guard mentally, emotionally, and physically, and vowed to never ever allow yourself to fall so hard again. Love, or what you thought was love, made you do crazy things. It got so bad that you couldn't even recognize yourself because everything that you did was out of character. Truth be told, the very thought of love makes you sick to your stomach. And right now, this post is making your stomach turn.
No one knows how you felt, growing up without a father or mother in the home. People tell you that they understand, but they weren't there when you starved yourself to fit into a certain clique in high school. They have no idea, the pressure that you were under to lose your virginity before a certain grade level. They have no clue how many times your mother verbally abused you and discouraged your academic development by telling you that you would never be more than a baby momma. No one else was there, when you turned to safety scissors and knives to cope with a life full of unhappiness. Not to mention the countless other occasions when you tried to take your own life because you don't feel as if you have anything to live for. Phrases like, "The struggle is real", is so much more than just some cute little phrase that people say when life throws a few lemons their way. It’s the title of your life story. You thought that turning to controlled substances would help alleviate the hurt and pain, but you and I both know that when the high is over, your problems are still there, waiting on you to man up and deal with them. Oh and let's not forget the hangover that welcomed itself into your day, making you feel as if life dropped a building on you. Tuition keeps rising and the people at home feel as if you're earning a degree to do nothing with your life. Your friends, the ones who were actually there for you in times past have now walked away because they are intimidated by the prestige of higher learning. You feel as if God called you to do Purpose A, and your parents are telling you that if you major in Purpose A that they will no longer support your matriculation, all while you're so close to graduating. And if all of that wasn’t enough, you’re single with NO prospects. Or even worse, you’re in a relationship by yourself. Where is the love? Where is the warmth? Let’s be real about it. Why does everyone else seem to be ok, but me? Why am I always the one without? Why did I have to be raised in a broken home? Why do I feel like this? Why do people expect me to be perfect? Why do I feel like my life is like living in an empty hallway, with a broken widow where it rains all day? I just feel so alone, and I'm in a place where I'll take whatever I can get, and call it love even if that means abusive love. Honestly, I feel like I don't deserve it anyway, so why bother?
Well I beg to differ, and I'm here to let you know that someone loves you and in the words of Rocko, "you ain't even know it." This someone loves you so much that they've been with you every step of the way leading and guiding you. And if you don't believe me just take a look around. You're not where you were ten years before now, and life may still be hard, but it's not as bad as it was back then. This special someone loves you so much that when you were down and out he wiped the tears from your eyes, and rocked you to sleep at night when you felt the most alone. This special someone died for your sins and was quoted stating, "The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy : I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly," (John 10:10 KJV). They is an all inclusive word and it means you too. Jesus loves you without a shadow of doubt, and he cares for you, every aspect of you. John 3:16 tells us that, "God loved us so much that he gave his only begotten son (Jesus) that whosoever believeth in him shall not perish, but have ever lasting life." Jesus who is one with God in heaven (according to John 10:30), knew you while you were in your mother’s womb and he's been working in your favor the entire time. Rest assure that God loves you and that he will never put more on you than you can bear. Every experience, every trial, and every tribulation that you've ever faced was set in place to build your character that it might work in your favor later on. Many situations that we've been faced with were implemented so that we might learn how to trust and depend on Jesus. He's been said to be a mother to the motherless, father to the fatherless, shelter in a time of storm, a way where there looks to be no way, a rock in a weary land, a lily in the valley, a bright and morning start, and if you give him a chance, he will never ever let you down. Jesus knows how you felt, feel, and will feel. He knows your pain, and he hears the cries of your heart. Turning your life over to Christ doesn't mean that you'll never have another trial, or that you'll never face another storm. However, it does mean that no matter what, the Holy Spirit will dwell within you, and always provide a way of escape. He's just that type of God, and Romans 10:9 says that, "if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him (Jesus) from the dead you shall be saved." All you've got to do is have faith, and realize that without God's spirit within you, life seems so unbearable, and with his spirit you'll never feel empty again. For all this time, you’ve been trying to fit other things in a space that was always meant for God. If you totally give yourself away to him, he'll keep you in perfect peace. Your past is now your testimony, because Jesus has helped you pass the test. Don't look back, don't stop, don't quit for anything. Your life is not your own, and the only reason why all of those suicide attempts failed is because God has a plan and purpose for your life that you've not yet fulfilled. You shall not leave this world until that purpose comes to pass. Other relationships failed because God wants you to get it right with him first, he wants you to learn his ways, and he wants you to begin to walk upright according to the word of God which we call the Bible. Things may not happen overnight for you, your tomorrow may look just as dark as today, but understand that God is a God of increase and when he sees fit he will turn your situation around, and you won't want to do anything but give him the praise, glory, and honor. This Christian walk is a daily learning process. Pray consistently, and study your word that you might grow and come to a place where you really have a relationship with God the Father, God the son, and God the Holy Spirit. You can do this! You are so much better than a robot controlled by habits that could lead to your detriment. There is a heaven, and a mansion waiting on you, but you've got to fall subject to the Word and will of God. No one can take away the hurt and pain like Jesus. Jesus is in your corner, and has been the perfect partner the entire time, and that's True Love. You’ve had what you’ve been looking for all along and “you ain’t even know it.”
Let us pray together:
Jesus,
I'm a broken vessel desperate for your healing power, your saving power, your delivering power, and your loving power because in my life, all I've ever wanted was to be loved. I tried everything I could think of, but none of it ever made me feel complete. I thought that if I changed my name to mask where I came from, my past would go away and things would get better. I thought that if I cared for others the best that I knew how, that they would care for me in return, but that wasn't the case either and I'm frustrated. I'm trying my best, I'm not as sophisticated as I would like to be, and I'm not as successful as I would like to be, and Lord I'm tired. I’m tired of the inconsistent living conditions and everything else that's going on in my life. Lord, I'm handing all of the pieces of my broken heart and my broken life over to you because I have faith that you are able to make me whole again. I understand that I have sinned against you, and I ask that you would forgive me, and come into my heart again. I want a new start in you Lord, because only you have the power to break the chains of sorrow, pain, struggle, and hurt. I know that you have the power to break the chain of loneliness, guilt, and shame of the past. Lord I thank you for I consider it done. I believe that you are able, for I heard that you said in your word when I was a child that all things are possible if I only believe, and Lord I believe. I believe that you are able, to loose me of my situation, that I might feel free to trust you and others and live a full life. Bless and keep me Lord like only you can. In the mighty and matchless name of the only Christ I pray. Amen.
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