M. D. Stokes put out an amazing song that explores trials that he had to overcome in order to reach a conclusion that in order to move forward he had to chuck up the duces to the past. Stokes proclaims that he has to say bye-bye to yesterday because his future is much brighter. There are so many quotes out there on social media that explore and dive into the facts of the future reminding us that you can’t move forward looking back, but not too many people dive into what to do with the emotional baggage in the space between.
Having overcome disappoint and rejection I remember a time when I thought well, I’ve extended forgiveness and moved on, but what should I do with the emotions of it all? Am I allowed to be upset? Is there room for me to share that I’m disappointed? Can I be angry and mad at the same time? Is there room in this faith walk for me to give institutions designed to protect me a side eye for letting me down? Is there space for me to be anything but perfect in this moment and if so where? My feelings are valid and real, where can I release them?
Y’all believe it or not I found my resolve in the word of God. No lie, in Matthew 26:39 the bible describes a situation in which Jesus literally fell on his face and pray, “My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless not as I will, but as Thou will be done.” Follow me here, our Savior Jesus felt the implications of his pending brutal experience on the cross and was just not feeling in that moment. Here we see God in the flesh wrestling with the agony of the situation mentally processing it and talking directly to the Father requesting in prayer that the cup be passed. If Jesus can wrestle with pain and address the thing that troubled him in such a direct fashion, so can I. If Jesus can battle the flesh having considered the weight of the call upon his life then, so can I. If Jesus can explore his hesitation and reluctance to pain, then so can I. However, because of his death and continued example in the final portion of the verse by submitting to the will of God, so must I.
The truth of our experience is simply this, emotional baggage takes time to process and the outline of that time varies from person to person. The process for some takes place at an accelerated rate and they are able to move on from hurt to healing in record time, but the rest of us have to put in the work every day to become better versions of ourselves. Some days that means taking off our petty hat and minding our business. Other days that means praying on the things that trouble us instead of avoiding things that take us to a place that make suffering in silence look the lesser of two evils.
For some of us, one disappointment led to another, one negative experience translated to another and it became so thick that it almost became difficult to breathe. It’s one thing for the car to breakdown but it’s a whole other thing for the car to breakdown in the middle of a road trip in the middle of the storm and for so many when it rains it pours. That rain sometimes can make you question whether or not God has forsaken you. It can also make you think that you might not be doing something right or maybe you missed a step that caused you to keep tripping up over the same things in the same spaces with the slim possibility of moving past it, but sis, I’ve got good news for you. You’re right where God wants you to be. I’ve wanted to write you for the longest period of time and tell you how well I’ve been doing about how meaningful the work that I’ve been blessed to take part in has been, but I felt like in so many ways I needed to take time to just be. To take it all in, the highs the lows the publicity and even the lack of accountability. I needed to embrace the transition, the boss moves, the exploration into entrepreneurship, the spiritual maturity, the growth vocally, the fun, the travel, the sisterhood, the scholarship and so much more. God has been amazing to me and I now realize that every disappointment leading up to this only worked to further fuel my why.
Some have asked well Leticha, how did you overcome? What did you do sis? Spill the beans and don’t leave anything out? So here goes, this is what I did, pull out your pencil and your pen because I did quite a bit:
1. I decided to LIVE
2. I decided to embrace more of my hobbies (and trust me I can knit a mean scarf lol)
3. I decided to see a therapist (…because I want to be whole for this next chapter)
4. I decided to keep following my heart by pursing my dreams (did I mention that I was offered my dream job on my birthday)
5. I decided to LISTEN (anyone can talk to God, but a true disciple of the Father understands the importance of listening)
6. I decided to JUST KEEP SWIMMING (on days when I didn’t quite feel like it, I did it anyway, show up for your life you only get one)
7. I decided to remain ACTIVE (if you follow me on Instagram you know that I’ve been around the world and spending more time with the Earth has inspired me to dig deep)
8. I decided to TELL MY STORY (…and many of you responded by messaging me yours, thank you it’s always good to know that you’re not alone)
9. I decided to EVOVLE (my new relationship status has given me the opportunity to continue to embrace and develop positive habits and new affirmations...join me)
10.I decided to say BYE-BYE YESTERDAY (I’ll take the lessons we’ve learned together with me, but I’m determined to live a life embracing both now and what is to come)
2020 has been such an interesting and disappointing year for so many and if you walked out of 2019 expecting the best of what God has for you in 2020, I just want you to know that it’s still possible. It can still happen! It’s your responsibility to walk around every day like a miracle can happen at any moment. Please know that you’re all always in my prayers and I just wanted to publicly thank you for you support over the years, I hope that we can continue to come together, grow together, and love on each other. Join me and let’s say it together, BYE! BYE! Yesterday!
Let us pray,
Heavenly Father,
Thank you for keeping us in what seems like the most trying year of our lives. Many of us crossed over into 2020 expecting greater and so I ask that you show up in unexpected ways in this season of our lives. Many of us suffered loss, rejection, and disappointment heal our hearts that we might remember that our steps are ordered in you. Help us to remember that what you have for us is already for us and that because you’ve preordained it to be so, it is so. Lord, I ask that you keep our hearts and minds in a season of uncertainty as we work to continue to discern your call upon our lives. Remind us that in all seasons you love us and created us for your Glory. Remind us when we forget that we are beautiful because we’re made in your image. Have your way oh God in our lives, help us to embrace transition and represent you in a way that brings glory and honor to your name. For it is in the Mighty, Marvelous, and Matchless name of Jesus the Christ We Pray, Amen!
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